Misunderstood and Hurting Inside

•December 18, 2012 • Leave a Comment

The more I read about Adam Lanza and who he was the more I get scared that people will make generalizations about every kid they think may be extremely quiet and a loner type. What people fail to see here is the role everyone plays in the development of these misunderstood minds. I mean only once have I read anyone saying they offered a helping hand to the kid. I read the kids in the technology club said that Adam was starting to open up and even started telling some jokes. Do you not see here that him not talking and keeping to himself and acting unapproachable was probally his trained response to keep away what he may have percieved to be a threat to his self esteem. He probally knew he was different and so rather than open himself up to just be rejected he shut down so he disn’t have to take the risk of being hurt.

These kids are not all going to grow up to be raging mass murderers. They need care, love and compassion. Most of all they need acceptance. Too often middle school and high school aged kids are the nastiest, most judgemental, ctitical of human beings. They form clicks and make rumors and are as rude and unconcionable as to whisper rude stuff while the person suffering from a disability is in ear shot. They think if the kid looks normal ( like doesn’t exhibit an outward appearance of mental retardation) that they just must be a weird, stalker, freak. These kids obviously don’t want to tell them they have a disability for fear of being shunned worse or teased endlessly so they just eot alone in their homes, and blend into the woodwork in their classes and develope severe depression, anxiety, and self loathing that could eventually all add up until the take their own life, which is way more likely then them doing what Adam Lanza did, but hey you never know everybody is different. He could have got to a point where he felt life pointless and he felt his community wronged him and ostracized him and made him feel completely worthless and less than them and he lashed out killing the people he knew would affect the whole community?

What he did was beyond evil, but I for one think people should dig deep within themselves in this community and see that they did nothing to make this member of their community feel like they fit. Stop being so selfish people. Stop caring more about your big houses and being better than everybody else and actually help the people who can’t help they were born with a problem.


Left Out and Misjudged

•December 18, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I feel deep pain when I read what gunman Adam Lanza carried out. It was wrong and ultimately he is the only one who pulled the trigger. I get that. What I am struggling with is all the accounts of what type of child he was like. What type of kid he grew to be, how he was viewed in school, and how it shadowed the young man he became.

Why do I take such a vested interest in this case? I am a mom so much like Nancy Lanza that its almost scary. There are a some variables that are different. I had no rich ex to put me up in clover, however, he left me with the sole responsibility of raising two boys, one who by all accounts is just like Ryan, very smart, outgoing and driven to succeed and the other who had NVLD ( Non Verbal Learning Disorder) a disease that closely mirrors Aspergers, like Adam.

My son was too him self like Adam starting to pull away and socially isolate himself in about 4 grade. I thought it was just depression over the marital discord and divorce of his father and me, but it just go worse and worse. We would be out somewhere, which was RARE tha he would let me take him in public, he was very much a homebody. He would visibly get shaken and tell me he almost felt ill when he saw people he knew. I thought it was just because he was socially outsted by his peers and stigmatized “strange” “different” “weird” “off” all because he was socially akward hell inept and he could no real non verbal ques, he would laugh at inappropriate times, he never liked to look people in the eye, when asked he would say it made him extremely nervous. He would never answer serious questions and would just say something either dunny, innappropriate, or something he knows would get you going.

He was a total polite, sweetheart most of the time and then other times he would act like he couldn’t possibly understand what it was like to be in someone elses shoes. IE: His best friends parents died and he just thought he should move on and stop dwelling and that everybody dies. It was as if he just couldn’t relate. Over the years I have been able to get to him about trying to maintain proper eye contact, and to really try to model appropriate responses to different situations and he has learned and grown so much, but yet he still has this air he gives off that makes him almost creepy ro some, because he is a loner and afraid of rejection since his whole life has been one rejection after another, verbal and emotional bullying, always being left out of things, girls being especially hateful.

What I mean to get at in this post is that Society needs to work especially hard at teaching their kids to really think beyond themselves and stop thinking about popularity and how if they hang out with so and so they will be labeled weird. It should be that they held in high regard because they reached out and tried to help someone who can’t help they were born as fortunate and equipped as themselves.

Contributing Factors to Adam Lanza’s Murderous Crime Spree

•December 18, 2012 • Leave a Comment

This whole story is very close to me because I am alot like Nancy Lanza minus the hefty alimony payment. What this young man did was unthinkable and horrific, but as a mother of a teen who is much like Adam Lanza I can’t help but take offense to the stigma they are placing on all people who suffer from illnesses that make them often chasticized, bullied and forced to be outcasts just skating on the fringes of society all alone and helpless.

Society places the blame on Parents, Gun Control Laws, Mental Health, but what about Society? As Obama basically said we all are failing our children. We do not teach acceptance, and caring for peoples quirks and differences. Too many of us are quick to advise to stay away from that one he isn’t quite right in the head.

Ok first of all in saying that you are teaching children to shun anything not their definition of normal. Also if there does seem like there is something odd with the child in question too often we feel its none of our business to do or say anything about it. This is not a community working together. This is everyone turning a blind eye until something happens, that something this time being that an otherwise quiet kid with no history of violent behaviors or criminal record snaps and take the lives of innocent children.

Hey you can point your fingers anywhere you want but it still points right back at you. As the old quote says, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” If you want things to be different you too have to reflect and ask yourselves what each of us as a member of the community can do to help these people. How do you know your assistance could not have changed the whole course of this man’s life? Maybe someone could have mentored him, given him a job, tried to get to him despite the fact it was hard to reach him it could have made a difference.

Why is it that everyone feels the need to further label, call names, and ostracize an already suffering in silence percentage of the population who suffer from illnesses they did not ask to be born with? As many experts have said Aspergers and the like are not known or linked to being people who commit random acts of violence.

As a member of civilized society I am ashamed of how many people treats these people who dance to the beat of their own drum. How would you like to live a life of always feeling different and never feeling accepted. My son once said to me he was kind of like a design in the wallpaper of his classroom and he just blended in and was never noticed or made to feel apart of anything. Most people think if the kids looks unwelcoming or unapproachable he is weird and they give up.

Did you ever stop to think these kids may do that as a defense mechanism so they don’t have to deal with rejection or because they feel they are different and could never dit in anyway so they just try to hide away feom the world. These people need unconditional love and acceptance and people who work harder at breaking down their walls. Most people are too busy, too selfish, feel like its not their job, could care less, feel too akward, or some myriad of excuses. Its sad because you never know you could have been instrumental in changing the course of many lives in this instance if someone would have just reached out and helped.

We need more programs with kids who are caring and truly want to be friends and help this people feel they have a place in society. We need rolemodels to model good behavior and appropriate behavior and to show them how to make friends, keep friends and function in a safe manner. They need real people with hearts that form lasting friendships and over look the little quirks they may exhibit. We all have our deficencies. We can help people turn that around or we can turn a blind eye to their needs and let them go it all alone developing a festering hate for themselves and the people of the world who they viewed hurt them deeply. Don’t stop at gun control and mental health care, begin at home. Teach your kids that every child has value and is unique and worthwhile.